“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28 -30
Unless I am out of town, I rarely miss attending church. Yet today, it was hard to walk inside because sometimes, when you walk into the House of the Lord, everything that you want to hide is exposed. For me, when I walked in, something about the Holy Spirit nudged my spirit and exposed all of the hurt and shame I tried to desperately bottle up. The harder I tried to maintain my composure, the harder it was for me to remain stoic. You see, when you are used to being there for everybody, it is hard to admit you need help or everything is not alright with you. Although I am pretty open with my devotionals, it is hard for me to not be reserved most of the times. Today, I feel undone. However, when I think about one of the purposes of the church, I am reminded that the church is supposed to be a place for the broken, the sick, and all those that hurt and hunger. So, what better place to go when you’re hurting and tired of hiding?
Yesterday, I was asked who I sought to reach with the Great Is ministry and the weekly devotionals; the answer was simple to me. I seek to reach all those who hurt and hunger. And no matter how I try to hide the ugly or shameful parts of my walk, I share because I am not the only one who struggles. It is those things we try to hide or ignore, that often fester and manifest in other parts of our life. So, if we are honest with ourselves, every one inhabiting this magnificent and fallen planet hurts and hungers. We all hurt; we all are seeking and hungry to find love, acceptance, and peace. Yet as we seek those peaceful moments, those moments of total acceptance and unconditional love, we often become dejected and tired. Weary. We are broken beings that have been patched and re-patched again and again. As we are re-patched, we often try to hide the hurt we are experiencing; deny that it has taken place. But, eventually, we can’t.
In Matthew 11, Jesus is talking to each of us. He is talking to the weary; those who carry great burdens and His instructions are very clear as He states “Come to Me” for rest is with Him. Today, my best friend and accountability partner told me that here recently, I haven’t been sounding as joyful as usual. She told me I usually have my moments, but always snap back. She is right. I usually snap back after 24-hours, however this time, not as quickly. I’m tired and weary. I’m tired because although I absolutely love my job and believe in the ministry I do, I no longer want to be there. Each day I feel like I am being “blind-sided” and I never know what I am walking into. I am weary because I have been on an emotional roller-coaster recently and everything I thought about myself has been questioned, not only by me, but by someone I grew to care about. Only someone you care about can cut you and you can cut only someone who cares about you. So today, as I walked in His house, when the altar call for prayer was given, I sought prayer. Normally, I refrain from going not because I do not believe in the power of prayer (I am an Intercessor), but I too struggle with being “private”. If I go to the alter, I am admitting I need prayer…Well I do. However, I would rather tell someone I need prayer than to suffer in silence and block His healing hand from moving. The Intercessor for many sought out intercession from another as I laid it at Jesus’ feet.
These are trying times that we live in, but the resiliency of the Spirit cannot ever be defeated. Just when we wonder where we can go, who we can turn to, remember the house of the Lord. His desire is for us to seek Him, to come to Him, and to receive rest with Him. He is the gentleness we need, the unconditional love and acceptance we seek. On Friday morning, someone gave me a bracelet that said “God is Big enough”. Yes, He is and His shoulders are wide enough. His Son has carried the cross, His burden is light. All we have to do is come.