Scripture: Psalm 73:1-5, 12-17, 23-28 (NIV)
“Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills.”
“This is what the wicked are like—always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning. If I had said, “I will speak thus,” I would have betrayed your children. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.”
“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.”
There are two things that separate me from most people that I know. The first is I believe God has a calling on my life to teach and preach the Gospel (I know, can you believe it?). The second is that I am a 30-year old virgin (I know, can you believe it?). The first of which is a calling I have reluctantly accepted and the last is a fact, I have openly disregarded in shame. Despite how much I would love to deny a correlation between the two, I have to admit that God may actually have a plan. Yet, it wasn’t until this week that I realized how one may in fact be hindering the other.
It was not the first time she asked me this [she being by bible study leader] but it was perhaps the first time I took a moment to listen to the answer. The question being, what unconfessed or hidden sin do I have that is keeping me from fully walking in the purpose God has ordained for my life? This long question elicited a short answer. My initial answer was nothing. All of my sins, I confess… ; – ) But the more I thought on it, the more it bothered me. I asked one of my prayer partners what she thought. Her answer was “you may not be fully ready and you may be in the world more than you think”. That answer I could accept. It was easier to swallow because I can see the things in my life I don’t want to leave behind. I tell God often, “I am trying, right?” But God… The next day, I was talking to a friend and what she said made me realize how far from the will of God I was. As two women sharing over dinner we could only be talking about one thing. You got it. Men. She wanted to pray for me a mate, which normally would have been fine. I’ll accept prayer for that (being single, most people want to pray for you to get a man/woman anyway –they like to have you think the grass is greener). But this prayer wasn’t that simple because she added one thing. She wanted to pray for a mate to enter my life and cherish me so much, he would abstain from sex until marriage for me. I looked at her crazy, big eyes and all! How could she? How are you going to pray for what I don’t want? So, I did what any sane Christian would do. I turned down her prayer and told her “No”. I sure did! That simple gesture spoke more about my walk than I cared to admit. I am a person struggling to minister to others in the way God has shown me I one day will, but hasn’t. I am a person that has been given a burden to speak of God, when in my heart in this area, I can’t speak for God.
In the midst of these revelations, I happened to read Psalm 73 again. Verse 1 and 2 states that
‘surely God is good…to those pure of heart, but as for me…” It’s that “but” that got me. For so long I have “envied and seen the prosperity” (verse 3) of those who are sexually active and experience a physical pleasure I crave. My hidden sin just so happens to be most others, blatant sin. While some repent and cry to God for deliverance of sexual sin, I carry an embittered heart and ask” why not me?” Those who have stepped outside the will of God with regards to sex are like those in verse 4 “strong and healthy”. From the outside looking in, they have gotten away with their sins of “sexing on Saturday and praising on Sunday”. I know a lot who that amply describes. I too learn by watching the walks of others. Long ago, I gave up any pride I would have in sexual purity and knew that all it would take is the right time for me (notice I didn’t say person) and “all bets were off”. So I hid that bitterness in my heart, not against others or even God, but against myself for as verse 14 states “surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence”.
So, imagine me with a vision from the Lord, ready to do His will. Sacrificially if need be (all or nothing-or so I thought), getting up daily, fearing my anointing was gone. No words have come. No doors open for working in ministry. No chapters written. I once again was asked what sin is in my life that I had not confessed. So, again, I asked God and He showed me a prayer I turned my back on. So I am led to ask you that same question. What hidden sin is blocking you from living out your anointing? What is blocking you from being a preacher, being a mentor, of living a joyful life, a blessed life-not by the standards of man, but by the blood of the Lamb? It can be pride, anger, idolatry, believing in self and not Christ, a generational curse or any number of things. Anything hidden will keep you apart from God and you may not know it. I have lived with this sin for so long, I never realized how it was eating away at my future. I always assumed when I did finally preach or write about God, that I would do it effectively balancing my “sainthood” with my “sexing” as so many fail at doing. In my ignorance (v. 22), I maligned the Father’s vision for my life. It’s hard to go forward when you know that yesterday, if it came down to you preaching the word of God and having your physical desires met, that God assuredly would have come in a distant second. But He holds each of us, my self included, by “our right hand and guides us with His counsel” (verse 23-24). So, again, I ask what hidden sin is blocking you from living out your anointing?
Prayer: Lord, I confess my hidden sin(s) to you. For every child of God that reads this, convict them of their hidden and blatant sins, Father. Convict us of anything that separates us from you. Come into our lives Lord and show us how to walk in your light. Father, please remove the sense of complacency for sin in our lives. Please remove the sense of, I am “trying” from our lives. Deliver unto each of us the courage and the faith to know that we have been delivered and to live by that deliverance. It is only by your name, Christ Jesus, that we are more than conquerors. Amen.